Tech Startup Seeking Go-Getter Adult Children of Middle-Income Families

TwoWords is an exciting new tech startup that barely qualifies as an idea. Since it was the brainchild of two white guys from obscenely wealthy families, TwoWords had backing from top venture capital firms just 48 hours after conception.

The startup’s unique proprietary technology uses location-awareness and other things the iPhone already does without adding anything. TwoWords has a market valuation of 20 billion dollars.

The Executive Team of Adult Children of Upper Middle Class Families Who Attended Elite Universities is now in place, and the business strategy has been fully envisioned.

Now TwoWords is looking for Go-Getter Adult Children of Middle-Income Families who can do all the work and create all the added value.


  • Your race and gender (in order of preference): white male, Asian male, white female, Asian female. Mixed race applicants considered as long as white is in the mix, but definitely no Native Americans as the sadness of your situation would ruin our lunch break (and your existence could bring up issues with Legal).
  • Your class: Not so poor that you don’t know how to fraternize with us or get our cultural references, and not so rich that you think you’re one of us.
  • Your education: Probably went to public schools K-12 (you can buy into any task, no matter how trivial or meaningless) plus a bachelor’s degree from a decent university.
  • Your communication: Must show strong aptitude for stringing together impactful multi-jargon phrases to conceal realities, overstate the importance of the work, and convince us you deserve a Very Important Title.

How to Apply

TwoWords outsourced the Human Resources function to a software platform that discourages the aforementioned undesirables with barriers they’ve been conditioned to recognize as unwelcoming. TwoWords is an Equal Opportunity Employer.

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