“Inherit this, meek!”According to the Bible, the Meek shall inherit the Earth. And according to a new poll, that’s precisely why everyone is working feverishly to ruin the planet.
“A completely compromised biosphere, that’s the goal,” said one coal industry lobbyist who participated in the survey. “We’ll leave them a lifeless husk, utterly worthless—inherit this, Meek!”
“The Holy Grail, as it were,” added another respondent who works as a retirement planner, “would be for us to extract and enjoy life’s bounty while we can, and leave the Meek an unrecognizable Earth incapable of supporting life for millions of years.”
Key aspects of rendering the Meek’s inheritance worthless include:
- Pouring lethal toxins into all known supplies of fresh water
- Maximizing the number of ocean dead zones
- Filling the seven seas with plastic and radioactive isotopes
- Changing the chemistry of oceans and all arable land to acid
- Slashing and burning any and all forests
- Defrosting all known permafrost
- Melting all known glaciers
And last but not least, enslaving the Meek in one way or another until further notice.
Of the more than 3000 self-identified “go-getters” who participated in the survey, those who derived income exclusively from investments seemed to harbor the greatest resentment.
“I can tell you one thing they’re not getting, my yacht—there’s a monitor strapped to my chest, and the moment my heart stops beating, the boat blows. I worked too damn hard to look up from Hell and see the Meek joyriding around the harbor.”